"Hey, did you girls, uh, drop this, uh, lighter?"
Um... seriously? Have you seen ANY of us smoking all night? You've only been standing there for about an hour trying to figure out what to say as your "icebreaker."
"Why do you have such a big purse? I mean, why would you ever need a purse that big? Do you have, like, your dog in there or something?"Um no. I don't carry my dog in my purse. In fact, I would never even think about owning a dog that could even fit into a purse. Any dog under 40 pounds sucks and we all know this. And insulting my fashion sense isn't going to make me swoon.
This one, however takes the cake:
Crazy Guy to Nicky: "Not bad.Not bad at all."
I might add that he said this as he was looking her up and down like a crazy pedophile might look at a 4th grader. It was gross.
Crazy Guy: "See, I've been checking you four out for the last 20 minutes or so and I've decided she's the one." (points to Nicky)
Crazy Guy to Kim (as Kim looks at himwith the ultimate look of disgust): "You're just mad because I didn't pick you."
Kim: "No, I'm just mad because you're treating my friend like she's a piece of meat."
Crazy Guy then tries to insult Kim the best he can (it's hard, she's gorgeous). The phrase, "otherwise you're pretty hot" comes up. What a d-bag.
20 minutes later at the bar, I find myself next to Crazy Guy. Ugh. I try to get out of this "it's only going get worse before it gets better" situation but he looks at me and says:
"You're just mad because I didn't pick you."
Me to Crazy Guy: "Yeah, you wish."
Crazy Guy to me: "Its ok, honey. Just lose about 10 pounds and then we'll talk."
Right. Ok... I then went back and told Nicky and she just Swooned. She found this guy and then went home with him. I mean, she was super impressed that he could insult all of her friends like that. It's a talent you don't find in most men. Ok, so that last part didn't happen because, well, why the hell would it??
And that, my friends, is how you do NOT pick up a girl.