Monday, April 26, 2010

Blame it on the A-a-a-a-a-a-cohol...

If I gave you the wrong number, don't assume I'm being a bitch. 

I might just be really, really drunk. 

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I don't care what Britney says about 3...

I don't want to have a threesome.

With you and your friend.

Your friend who's a dude.


Friday, April 23, 2010

Make sure your boyfriend isn't going to cockblock...

I met this girl out at the bar. We were having a great time. She was awesome. 
We went back to her place score and her boyfriend was passed out on her stoop. 
I went home alone.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Man UP and ask me out already!

I'm familiar with courting. It was sweet and romantic in the 11th century maybe. Doing it in the 21st century is just lazy.

Unless I'm a member of a the Duggar family (which I'm not), you don't need to court me. Ask me on a damn date already and stop calling to have conversations to "get to know me better." 


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

No, you may not cut in!

If I dancing with another guy, I probably don't want you to pull me away from him. That's not romantic. Especially when you're a drunken mess who grabs my wrist like you're going to throw me in an unmarked van.

Not cool. 

Ford the Win!!

RT @moooooog35: In my quest to become the World's Greatest Pickup Artist, I just painted an awesome picture of a Ford F-150.

Just a suggestion...

If my friend doesn't want to give you her number, I probably don't want to either.

No I will NOT be your consolation prize!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

You can't hold my purse hostage!!!

Seriously. I didn't leave my purse over at your place on purpose. I know sometimes girls do that (but not me, of course), but this is not one of those times.  I probably was trying to get out of there as quickly as possible after a lackluster time.

When I call you asking to retrieve it, I don't want to go to dinner with you to get it back. 

Don't MAKE me go to dinner with you to get it back

I don't want to date you. I just want my purse back.

UGH. Sometimes cancelling your credit cards and going to the DMV is just easier than dealing with a lame dude. 

Monday, April 19, 2010

Culture Shock

Stacey shared this tale with us:

Location: East Africa

Guy: "For a $100 I will let you have my baby."

Me: "Can I get a side of AIDS with that, too?"