one day he'll find the right guhl

eh guhl how's yous doins guhl. come back and kick it wit' me ya know guhl?

does this really work??? no.

No I will not go home with you

Even if you say "we don't have to do anything."

LOSER.

I don't care what Britney says about 3...

I don't want to have a threesome.

With you and your friend.

Your friend who's a dude.

Ew. 

You've got to be starbucking kidding me..

File this one under "Really? I mean, Really!?"

Thanks, Yeti.

More items to leave off your bookshelf...

Guys, if you're going to have a book called "Women: Maxim's Ultimate Guide," I would advise you against actually putting it on your bookshelf. You shouldn't even have this book at all, but if you do, HIDE IT. Especially since once I see it I might actually take it off the shelf, make fun of you, and open it up to find that cheesy move you just used on me you know, the one that made me want to barf on your shoes and/or get another drink or seven . ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Girls: Do not leave out titles such as "He's Just Not That Into You," "The Rules," or "Goodbye Hangovers: Hello Life."

The Dealbreaker Lair

An explanation please?

"People bought the Beanie Babies for me. It's not like I bought them for myself!"

Yeah, well, you prominently displayed them on a shelf in your living room YOURSELF. Deal.Breaker.

Take a Hint

If I don't return your text right away, you don't need to text me 4 more times. Give me like, at least a day to reply. Especially if said texts are during work hours. Also, if you DO text 4 more times and call again within 2 hours, I will probably lose any desire I had to text you back or pick up my phone. Actually, I WILL lose all desire to text you back or pick up my phone.

Furthermore, if you decide to call AGAIN two hours later and that would surely not ever happen, right? and I STILL don't respond, don't text me and call me ever again. Certainly not 4 more times in the next two days. Also, if I politely rebuff your request for a date after these 72 hours of overzealous texting/phone calling/me ignoring you, take a hint. Probably just not that into you. Could be I'm not over an ex, I don't feel like dating right now, I am having a fat day, or oh, I don't know, you scared the crap out of me with you psychoness.

Last, I'll say this. No, it's not my loss. Unless by "loss" you mean it's me dodging a freakin' bullet.

Not that this has ever happened to me before... just some friendly advice.