Watch-a doing?

Guy in bar grabs girl's wrist tenderly of course. 

"I love your watch! Is that a Rolex?" He asks her.

"Um. No. It's a FOSSIL." She replies. 

Not. A. Rolex.

You're Married? Well then Eff you!

How not to pick up a married chick. 

I ain't no hollaback girl

Girl, I've been wanting to holla' at you all night. 

What the hell am I? A pig?

 Soooieeeee!!!! 

one day he'll find the right guhl

eh guhl how's yous doins guhl. come back and kick it wit' me ya know guhl?

does this really work??? no.

That's not your real name

"Hi I'm Clay and I'm putty in your hands"

 Some suggestions, Clay, if that IS your real name:

"Hi I'm Clay and you can fire up my kiln anytime."

"Hi I'm Clay and you can shape me anyway you'd like."

"Hi I'm Clay and I'm going to make a douchey pun about pottery."

You have really good facial structure.. it's breathtaking.

And you sound like a plastic surgeon. G'day.

guy-trying-too-hard-for-a-lay's anatomy

the following conversation occurred in my friend k's condo complex. on a side note,  i really hope this guy doesn't live there. 

creepy dude "you have a nice anatomy"

my friend k: "um... thanks?"

"it's a good thing."

what she should have said: you sound like a serial killer. who likes my anatomy? dexter? 

witnessed this AMAZING pickup line at the mall

Guy -That's a nice t-shirt.
Girl - Thanks, I got it 50 percent off!
Guy - Come to my car and we'll make it 100 percent off.

i will pour a drink on your head.

i don't know when "why is it that only ugly girls talk to us?" is a good pick up line. but i'm pretty sure it's never.

don't be an animal

it's just not cool

Don't try these at home

Top 10 Bad Pick Up Lines according to AskMen.com

"You put the "U" in Utah."

I found this video of Mormon Pickup Lines on Holytaco.com.

Family Guy Quotes only go so far....

just because it's funny when quagmire says it; doesn't mean you should.
Click here for larger view

the back of your head is ridicalus!

Can I Have Yo Numbah - MAD TV

What's your name delicate?

You've got to be starbucking kidding me..

File this one under "Really? I mean, Really!?"

Thanks, Yeti.

go see the movie role models!

girl, you're sexy like a chocolate strawberry

santa, baby

When out on a Santa Pub Crawl and everyone is dressed as Santa, it's not original to ask a girl if she's been "naughty or nice." It's been done. And no, I don't want to play any reindeer games.

You look like my sister

Click here to read what NOT to say in a Starbucks...

"What's a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Hi, my name is Matt."

- Some guy (apparently named Matt) at Sharkeez in Manhattan Beach, CA

To quote David Allen Coe, "You never even called me by my name!"

Some bar in Athens, GA circa 2003

Guy: "Heather! Hey Heather!"

Me: "Um.. my name's not Heather."

Guy: "Oh. Are you sure?"

Me: "Nope. I forgot my own name. And lucky me! Here you are, gallivanting on over, to save the day! Yes! It IS Heather and now I want to make out with you. Now, take me to bed or lose me forever! SWOON."

Note: That last part? Yeah. Totally didn't happen.


you can submit your own pick-up stories to: shirtordress@gmail.com